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Getting Feedback You Don't Agree With

Updated: Feb 3, 2021

Though I am still on my journey to becoming the beacon of communication and collaboration I want to be, I can offer a few quick things to consider based on my experiences. Take them for what they are- merely my thoughts. Like I've said before, I'm no doctor and I'm no expert. I'm just a woman who pays attention, even when it's hard.

I recommend you check out the original article these thoughts generated from here.

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What do you do when you're continuously being given feedback about yourself that you either can't see or don't agree with?

  1. Consider the source/s. Are you hearing this from a variety of people, or one specific group? Neither is better or worse than the other, but knowing your demographic will help you get closer to figuring out the solution.

At the height of my tone of voice issue, I was hearing from literally everyone that I was speaking inappropriately. I got the same feedback from a variety of people- friends, family, the counter-person at Wendy's. It was clear that I had an issue.

Conversely, there was a period in my life in which I was only being given this feedback by a specific demographic of people. It was easy for me to push this off as a type of person just not liking me. It was much harder for me to admit that I was the common element and that I really had to look at how I was speaking.

BUT- there is always the possibility that you're getting feedback from people who are projecting or are jealous or want to harm you in some way. This is more unlikely than many of us would like to admit, so take the time to really delve into it and see if this is the case or if maybe you have some work to do.

2. Make lists. Take some time to think about times in your life you have noticed this

characteristic in yourself. Don't use this as a time to judge or blame yourself. It's just a list.

It might seem impossible to make a list of times in your life when you have behaved in a way you are consciously refusing to admit is a part of you, but here's the truth- every single thing that has ever happened has also happened to you in some way. This is what makes empathy possible. You may not agree with what is being said, but I bet if you try, you might be able to come up with times in which other people have said the same thing or times in which you feared people were thinking something similar.